“I don't surf the net. I have someone do it for me instead.” - Brain May

“I've tried to rap, and I cannot do it.” - Stephen Malkmus


Spring time. The birds are gone, the air is crisp with exhaust fumes, and as you enjoy your daily stroll in the acid rain, guitar music marches grudgingly on into a bright new future. To celebrate the season of disappointment, we decided to spend a day trawling through the inbox for the smallest scrap of publishable material. If genuine connection is the currency, we are cash poor and ready to share the dividends. So, friends, pop on the new Wet Leg album, stretch out on a soft green curb, and let the drivel wash over you.


Yet again, the inbox was page after page of unpublishable filth. So rather than read any of the emails, we decided to pick a few tattoo requests at random. If you missed out this time, and would like a tattoo, just drop us an email at spoughtsteem@gmail.com with the subject “Tattoo”. You might get lucky. Like Tom, who writes:


I’m unsure whether the line about Ben offering tattoo designs for sale in your last email was a joke or not but if not I am very much interested.




Tom, not only was it not a joke; you don’t even have to pay. Ben has done these commissions in a joyful spirit of “giving back to the fans”, something he is extremely invested in. "Give unto Caesar what is Caesar’s” he cries, shoveling armfuls of priceless drawings into the assembled crowds. Art is to be shared, not sold! And money means nothing when a small, hopeful smile is on the table. So, Tom. Here’s Bugs Bunny in a bath with dynamite. Pay it forward.


Preston writes:

“Hi please can i get custom Ben mack tattoo”

Hi Preston,

We live to serve. Ben tells me this is an ‘Seraphim’ like in our new single ‘R Entertainment’ - according to Google “there are only four of them and each has four faces and six wings. When they come to Earth, they leave their serpent appearance behind, preferring tall, thin, clean-cut human embodiments.” Cool huh. Think this could make a nice back piece.

Let us know how it goes!


I want a tattoo. Sun flowers to cover up my while she sleeps tattoo?

Jon ‘s written in with a very special cover up request. Well Jon, don’t say we never do anything for you. Here’s something way cooler than lame old sunflowers. A cat with a machine gun instead of an arm. Brilliant!


Met Ben at jimmy’s after your gig at soup kitchen. He was with his aunt and uncle there too. There’s a lot of kindness behind that stone face of his. Edward

Edward, Ben was touched by your note and has drawn you a little hat with “Gulp” in it. I think this is my favorite of his designs. Simple,elegant, timeless. It’s a winner.


“I've never felt like I had anything important to say.” - Noel Gallagher


Bands are people too. And like people. Bands often spend time out and about on the streets of Britain's cities. If you’re very lucky, and know where to look, you might even see one out and about. Like Holly who writes:

Went to the NME awards in London, Alex was throwing some white claws into the crowd and I said 'what is happening' so i swivelled round and saw Alex and said 'Alex Rice'. He then threw a white claw in my direction (I can't tell if it was for me or the boy next to me) but I managed to grab it. I've never had a white claw before and it was lovely. I'm also 5'2" and a lightweight so it got me hammered along with my free beer. Thanks Alex! p.s the white claw can is on the wall in my room after making the treacherous journey from London to Yorkshire


Jamie also had a run in with some of the “other ones” in the band in Bath. This was probably when we were recording our new album down that way. What a time we had. Bath is a lovely city full of pubs and clubs and restaurants. You should visit! Anyway here’s Jamie’s story:

I once saw Ben Mack at a bus stop in Bath. It was raining. I decided not to bother him as he seemed engrossed in the task of waiting for the bus- something I myself was also doing. To my surprise he was then joined by Oli. I noticed Oli was wearing a hat- could this be a disguise? Was he trying to not be spotted? Well it seemed to work because no one at the bus stop noticed them.

I distinctly remember them not talking to each other. Which leads me onto my first question

Do they have telepathic communication skills? Their bus came before mine and they left on the 7. On reflection I’m not sure if it was a disguise. possibly just no one knew who they were or possibly didn’t give a shit about them, either way they were ignored and had to pay full price for the bus (no VIP special treatment).

This leads me on to my second question
Did they enjoy their bus ride?

(I hope they did :))

Hi Jamie, Thanks for your touching note! Ben says thanks for not bothering him. Oli and Ben are still building up to their first full conversation, no telepathic skills. They probably did quite enjoy the bus ride. Although the silence might have become uncomfortable after 10 minutes or so.


I just want to be able to play as fast as my brain goes, and my brain doesn't go all that fast. - Brian May


This is a nice one from Chris who has also opted for a sort of blank verse form. Poor old Chris is yet to spot a member of Sports Team. Well Chris, we can’t all be winners all of the time, but if you want to “win big” i’d say start with pubs. Happy hunting!

I never spotted you anywhere: But I bumped into Dire Straits in Welshpool getting out of a beat up van before fame. They had a Sultan's of Swing sticker in the window and they told me it was their single.
But I went to a reggae gig in a tiny pub in Swansea there were 10 of us at the gig and Eek A Mouse turned up in a silk apricot and pink Otooman style harem outfit curly pointed shoes and turban! Wah do dem! But I had a slash next to Lemmy in the toilets once.
But the first gig I put on was Status Quo in 1969 and I lost £400. Someone put the Who on in town on the same night. The first gig I played in a band 'The Deadbeats' was co "Starring" 'Diamond Head' as spotty teenagers in lycra. They were nasty. They unscrewed very bolt on my drum kit and it all fell apart!
I don't know whether I am a fave uncle - more a Grandad but if you are on in Cambridge I'll come to see you. I got your previous CD through here and love it.

"Here's the thing" is the anthem that deserves its day again!

All the sodding best,


Have you spotted a member of Sports Team? Would you like to let them know about it? Drop us a line at spoughtsteem@gmail.com with the subject line “Spotted” for your chance to be featured in next week’s second best industry mailer.
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